I vowed that I will let go the grudge that I have been holding. The pain that I have been suffering. The reminder that I have been keeping. I am learning not to forget but to live with the memories we've shared. It's been hard. But I have HIM on the high above and my friends to support me. Suffice to say that, I did have moved on. Long time ago. This is just the official marking. So, wherever you are. Whatever you do. I wish you, good luck.
Sedar tak sedar my first semester of degree is about to come to an end. Banyak benda baru I belajar semester ni. Banyak kawan baru I dapat semester ni. And banyak juga lesson yang I never expected I will ever get. Semester ni jugak I banyak shed my tears. But in the mean time I also pour lots of my laughter. Praise to Allah s.w.t for Him to give me such challenge so that I will become stronger.
Kita nak tengok HMM hujung minggu ni. Tengok untuk kali kedua bersama si budak kecil classmate saya terchenta. Fuh. Panjang namanya. Tapi saya panggil dia Mira shj. Haha. Saya ada cerita pasal first time tgk HMM ni. Tapi tapi tak tahu nak cerita atau tidak. Malu! Bagi kita fikir dulu. Nak cerita atau tidak. If tiba tiba ada entry title HMM maka kita berceritalah tu. If takde, faham faham sendiri.
Oh, btw kita tak kesah nak tengok HMM ni dua kali. Sebab cerita dia sangat best and I have fallen in love with Stephen Rahman. Dia sangat bagus. Plus kita sangat suka juga bahasa Melayu baku. Indah! :) Okay, siapa yang noob sangat tak tahu HMM itu apa, let me tell you it stands for Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa. Go watch the movie. It will be worth of your money.
It hurts. Beyonds words. Nevertheless, we have to move on. Things may not seems right to you now. But they will soon. I will always be here. I will always be on your side. Never ever forget that.
Oh. Oh. I realize something. I've been surfing my own blog. Fuh! It is a mixed up of everything. Of ups and downs. Of happiness and sadness. Of straight and narrow. All of it. All of it are there. But there are some of it that I wish I could erase. Maybe I should change my blog?
I've been around the word love ever since I'm in my elementary school. But at that time, what a 11 - 12 years old kid knows about love. We don't understand what people meant by "puppy love". Then, I went into high school. I'm growing up. So does my knowledge about this sacred feeling. Through out high school, I've been what people would say as a shoulder to cry on. Trust me. These shoulders have had many share of tears. They talk to me about their crushes. Theirs admirers. I have my stories in that area also. But they also talk to me about their relationship. They ask for advices. Since I'm not in any relation with someone, usually I just listen.
Moving on to life after high school. This is where the reality begins. I consider myself as someone who prefer to be happy than being not happy. I can get along with people easily. But I am also an affectionate person which is not a good trait for me. This I realize after I made a huge mistake. Its a long story to write. But I learn the hard way that when you break someone's heart, you have to pay for the consequences. Maybe its not your fault, but still you are apart from it. I know that forgiveness is not something easily gain.
To you, I'm sorry. Again.
Growing up is never easy. I've had many failures and success. But I got through it all with the support of my family and my friends.
Family, they will always be there for you. No matter what. Even when you do something that is terrible, they will stay. Nothing can budge your connection to each other. As for friends, don't really count on them. You'll never guess what they'll do. You will never know when they are gonna betray you. I am not being cynical or anything. But believe me when I said that,backstabbing hurts.Doesn't matter if its only once, twice or many times. The pain is till the same. Nevertheless, when you find one that takes friendship seriously, cherish them. Keep them close. Like I did. And I still do.
To whom it may concern, you know who you are. Thank you!
This journey of life, prepared me for so many things. The hardship of life. The pain of love. The joy of friendship. The frustration of failing. And mostly it taught me to be myself. I found out that I am not fully prepared for love. Because I am still unstable. I am still in my crazy mode. Every now and then, there is a moment where I wish I could share my feelings with. But at the moment, my friends are more than enough.They know me.
Not to worry.I will be ready again. Not sure when. Soon. And when the time comes, you'll know. I hope this answer your questions. Don't ask me again.
Hey Aku tahu kau kutuk aku Aku tahu kau cakap buruk pasal aku Depan aku, kau pura-pura baik Depan kawan aku, kau tunjuk kau itu sahabat aku Bila kau susah, Bila kau sedih, Bila kau marah, Kau cari aku Mungkin aku tak sepandai kau Mungkin aku tak sebijak kau Mungkin aku tak sebagus kau Tapi aku bukan bodoh Aku boleh nampak apa yang kau buat Aku marah Tapi, tak mengapa Teruskanlah sikap kau itu Buatlah orang benci aku Itu yang kau mahu kan? Aku dah tak peduli.
Aku kata kau bukan kawan aku ada sebab Kau cari aku bila kau ada masalah, bila kau nak mintak tolong Kau mintak aku dengar masalah kau Mintak pendapat aku Aku, kawan bila kau sedih Aku, kau nampak bila kau tengah kusut, tengah serabut Masa semua dh selesai, ada kau ckp terima kasih? Memang aku ada marah Memang aku ada membebel Tapi itu memang perangai aku Aku dah ckp dari awal, aku bukan mcm perempuan2 yg lain Yang nk control2 Yang nk jaga ayu Walau mcm tu pun aku punya perangai, aku tak lari bila kau mintak tlg Aku tak lari bila kau sedih Kau kusut, serabut, aku tlg Aku bg nasihat, bg idea Aku tak buat tak tahu Kdg2 aku buat tp bukan serius Aku tlg jgk Tapi, mana kau bila aku cari? Mmg kau tolong, tapi itu pun lps aku sindir kau Kau ckp kita kawan2 kena saling tolong menolong Aku tak lupa, tapi aku rasa kau yg lupa Jgn ckp kau tak suka aku ckp kau bukan kawan aku Sbb kau mmg tak blh msk dlm istilah kawan aku Maka, bila aku ckp kau bkn kawan aku, kau fikir sndr kenapa Jgn salahkan aku.
I found this in my notes. A situation happened last year. :D
p/s: This note is long. But FB is a permanent thing in my schedule. So, the note will serve as reminder for me.
Cerita bermula dengan:
Kerja hari ini. (Wednesday, 2 June, 2010)
Fill in BQ. Untuk dibind jadi contract. Tebal. 2 hari dh buat. Tak siap2. Haish!~ Tengah mengisi disuruh jadi minah fotostat.*tugas yg sgt tidak digemari*Tapi apa boleh buat, nak tak nak kena buat juga.
Selesai menfotostat sambung balik fill in Bq tu, sambil tu borak dengan akak meja sebelah. Dia baru balik dr Sabah. Ayahanda dia sakit. Tenat jugaklah.Doakan ayah dia cepat sihat ok.
Tengah kami berborak tiba ada satu call. So, akak tu angkat. Apa yg saya dengar, tender, lunch, prepare. Oh, kerja untuk saya lagi. Rupanya ada org mahu collect document. Panas hati! Letter tak reply tiba2 nk dtg collect. Nsb after lunch.
Siapa yg pernah buat kerja2 buruh memfotostat ni tahu la yg kerja ni sgt leceh dan remeh. Tapi untuk kali ni, tidak bagi saya. Sebab tgh buat kerja tu, ada sorg staff ofis teman. Kami berborak di mesin fotostat. The conversation was:
Him: After you hbs smbg belajar ni, you nk persue higher qualification or terus kerja?
Me: Smbg la. Because I'm only at diploma stage right now. I nk further degree.
Him: Ok. After that you nk buat apa? Master or Ph.D?
Me: *silence*
Him: Let say la you nk kerja. Is it with the government?
Me: I'm not sure. Private maybe. But I haven't think about it yet.
Him: Why not? You should plan your future.
Me: I know. But at the moment I'm planning to complete my studies first. *garu kepala*
Him: That is good. But not enough. You should plan further. Now and future time is going to be different. But why you prefer private?
Me: They pay more of course.
Him: LOL
*Otak dah mula proses apa yg dia cakap*
Me: Its true kan. I think it is. * pathetic kan my answer?*
Him: Let me give you something to think on. How is your life right now? Your living condition.
Me: Living condition?
Him: Yes. Your family. How do you think your father plans his life? You see, man have greater responsible. They have to provide for their family. If not, all things will go wrong. Try to be in your father's shoes.
Me: *stupidly* Be a man u mean?
Him: *he laugh* No. I mean, think like him. What should I do to provide for my family. See, it doesn't matter with who you work. Its how you plan your life. Working is just part of the plan.
At this point. saya dah tak faham tujuan conversation nih.
Me: Hm, I don't really get what your saying. But I get the gist. My father work hard and we live quite and easy life. So you want me to plan ahead so that I can have life like this in the future. Betul?
Him: Lebih kurang la. But think more of it. Take a step back, re-evalute and plan. Then you will see your future life more clearer.
Lepas dia cakap macam tu, dia gerak balik table dia. As for me, I gather the photostated paper and start binding it. While doing this job, I can't stop thinking about what he said. Semua dia touch. Study, family, aim. All this while, tak pernah pun terfikir sampai jauh macam tu.
To think back, all of it is true. I really should plan my life better. Eventhough the journey is still long, If I don't start now, then when will I?
From now on, I will start planning to have a great future.
All these conversation happens next to the mesin fotostat.
Bila dah duduk lama dalam kereta dengan satu tujuan, satu destinasi baru I perasan yang my classmates are very unite. Imagine all this while dalam class pun kami dah become wacky, dalam kereta lagilah. Ceritanya begini, last Friday was the day of solemnization of one of my classmate. So, a few days before the solemnization this friend of mine lost her mother. It was one big challenge for her. It's only few days from the big day. So, we went to the mother's funeral. To show our support.
Thus, it is predecided that everyone would want to go to her solemnization. Tapi satu masalah, transport. Maka dengan itu, I and others yang ada kereta arrange siapa yang nk ikut naik kereta siapa. This journey to the solemnization is where we connect. Many stories shared. Many laugh combined. Then when we arrived at the mosque, I realized that there are more of us than the bride's family. Well, what do you expect. It's the first wedding in our batch. Everybody who is everybody wants to be there. Even those who is in Shah Alam was there.
Nevertheless, we took pictures. We shed tears. Once the solemnization was finalized, we head back to the bride's house for a little feast. On the way back, funny things happen. Those who is in my car apparently are very hungry. At first, they want to eat McDonald's. Then they say Burger King next to the McD. Change of venue. They all bought their burgers and smile all the way back to college.
It's always been about me myself and I
If all relationships were nothing but a waste of time
I never wanted to be anybody's other half
I was happy sayin our love wouldn't last
That was the only way I knew til I met you
You make we wanna say
I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do doo
Yeah, I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do doo
Cause every time before we spend like
Maybe yes and maybe no
I can live without it, I can let it go
Ooh, what did I get myself into
You make we wanna say I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, [
Tell me is it only me
Do you feel the same?
You know me well enough to know that I'm not playing games
I promise I won't turn around and I won't let you down
You can trust I never felt it like I feel it now
Baby there's nothing, there's nothing we can't get through
So can we say
I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do doo
Oh baby, I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do doo
Cause every time before we spend like
Maybe yes and maybe no
I won't live without it, I won't let it go
Wooh Can I get myself into
You make we wanna say
Me a family, a house a family
Ooh, can we be a family?
And when I'm 80 years old and sittin next to you.
And when we remember when we said
I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do doo
Oh baby, I do, I do, I do, do do do do do do doo
Cause every time before we spend like
Maybe yes and maybe no
I won't live without it, I won't let us go
Just look at what we got ourselves into
You make we wanna say I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do,
Love you
Melepak dengan kawan kawan memang seronok. Memang best. Memang sangat gembira. But, like everything in this world there is always the downside part to the stories. Terasa macam time dulu dulu bila dapat kumpul sama sama. Borak. Karaoke. BBQ. Serious macam old times. Tapi itulah. Nak buat macam mana. We are living in the same circle. Pusing ikut mana pun mesti collide juga. Entahlah sometimes I wonder bila all these kinds of feeling will goes away or at the least if not fades away.
Who's got what it takes to be my guy
What it takes to make me shine
What it takes to get me fired up
Who's got what it takes to be my beau
What it takes to make me glow
What it takes to make this beat flow
Everyone talks about what they think they need
They making up a list of things
One, two, three
Everyone is different
But where we can agree is
Every girl wants her boy to treat her sweet
Don't think that being mean will get you anywhere
Don't think that acting cool will make me wanna care
I need your respect if you're gonna be the one
And if you must apply then try to get the job done
I've been contemplating
What it takes to make me give my heart
I get crossed often. But I calmed easily. However bear in mind, I am a vindictive person. I don’t usually hold grudge towards other but once I am you are in it forever. I am also a solidarity person. So, when you think of hurting my people think twice because that would mean hurting me as well. And beware, when this happen, suffer the consequences.
Oh, you may think I am not nice. But the truth is I am. It’s not in my nature to hate people as I wish to. But those attitudes of them cause me too. Like for an example, it wouldn’t hurt to not bother with other people problem. It also wouldn’t hurt to not interrupt someone when he or she is talking. It is definitely mostly wouldn’t hurt to wait for your turn when others have been waiting patiently. *geram tiba tiba teringat malam test mandarin & class measurement*
I can be patient. I’ve been training myself to do so. Yet, it’s very hard. People just keep annoying me. I’m not saying that I am perfect but I my limits. When you’ve been living in a community that needs you to keep interacting with people you learn about people’s behavior. You learn what they like and what they do not. You will find out what piss them off and what makes them happy. You just will.
Maybe, just maybe what is happening now is a reminder to me. Reminder to all of us. A reminder that anything can happen and we need to be brave, patient and strong to face it.
I am emotionally drained. Last few days has not been good to me. Bad news one after another. Too much to be handled. Too much to be bear. Starting with Haq's accident. Ramz's sister in law. Hatta some more. To top it all, Mira's mother passing away. All of it happens in just few days time. A lot to absorbed and processed. This is gonna be a stressful week. Lots of tests. Lots of assignment. Lots of everything.
To make it worst, I am sick. Seriously sick. One that I didn't see it coming. Oh, why is it happening to me now? Maybe its because all of the bad news. But, according to Ibu, I should be strong. I must not show my weakness nor my pain. Ibu told me that this is the time when the challenge gonna be the hardest and to test whether I'm strong enough for it or not. Guess we'll see it in the coming days.
It's raining outside but I don't feel the coolness. What is wrong with me?
I don't know what is wrong with me. I've been eating non-stop. Just like today. I went to pasar malam after class. I bought nasi lemak. That's my full meal for the day because during lunch I didn't eat anything. So, that nasi lemak managed to fill up my stomach. I was blissfully happy this afternoon. Then later on, I went about my activities at home. Bathe. Pray. And among other things. After all that, I watched Bukan Bintang Biasa. Which was sweet and funny. Full of love and quirkiness that makes me smile all the way from the start to the end. But wait. I'm straying from my real stories. So, then after the movie ends I started babbling. I goes around the house in search for food. I can't find any. Then, then the only solution is, I eat rice. With sardine. With a bottle of water. I was wondering where the hell did the nasi lemak goes. It was a lot. I couldn't move after I ate that nasi lemak. And now I ate some more. To make it worst I am still feeling a little bit hungry. What's going to happen to me?
ps: What will Ibu say when she sees me this weekend? -__-'
Maybe, just maybe this happen because I am not good enough.
I don't have flawless skin. I am neither skinny nor tall. I don't have perfect grades. I don't have the greatest attitude. I don't know how to have fun. I don't know how to swim. I don't how to take care of someone's heart.
*sigh*
There's a lot of don't up there. Guess it's true then.
This pain I have never seems to go away. Never seems to lessen. Not even a bit. I am determined not to let it get over me. But the heart wouldn't accept. Maybe I need more time on my own. Maybe I need to be alone. But I was told not to do such things. I need support they told me. What kind of support?
I laughed. All the time. I talked to them. Always. I listen to each word but I can't absorb what is it. I am no use being like this. I know that. But what more can I do? I failed in every attempt I take. I failed miserably. Too bad this only happens to me. From what I heard he's doing okay so far. But who knows? Let's hope I'm gonna make it through nevertheless.
You, it's been a while since I last say anything to you. I'm not sure whether you gonna read this or not but still, it is worth a try.
"my love for you is like the ocean. you can see the beginning but you can never see the end of it."
I thought I was getting better. I thought I was strong enough. But I found out that I was not. Today, I've made a mistake. I called a very dear friend of mine. It seems like long time ago since I last talked to him. He was in the car coming back from somewhere. While we were talking then I realized there's other voices around him. One of it is a voice that I miss so much. A voice that I could not longer listen to. A voice that will never addressed me. Thankfully the line was bad that I have to hang up. I know I've promised not to cry but this is hard. I can't help but to let the tears shed. I tried to stop it. But it just wouldn't. I'm good at helping others but why it seems that I can't help my self? I never know.
Okay. Okay. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You did the right thing. Cuba dengar cakap orang. Especially apa yang Boboy the Cousin cakap. Memang susah. But it is what need to be done. Mana ada masalah yang boleh selesai dengan mudahnya. Kalau ada, memang perang yang sana sini sekarang tak terjadilah kan? But how is it I can get better when not knowing what the future holds for me? Things are easier said than done. Luar nampak senang, dalam takde siapa tahu. Orang untuk bercerita tanpa segan silu dah jauh. Orang tempat nak menangis sampai bengkak bengkak mata pun dah jauh. Makanya, kena survive sendiri.
For the past weeks things have gone pretty well. Having wacky house mates really helps. There was never a single moment that weren't filled teary laughter. They are hilarious.They are crazy. They are my soul savior. They meant a lot for me.
But amidst all that, I can't help feeling alone and detached. I can't help it. I've tried. And it gets harder by the day. I won't stop trying. That is not an option.
If you happen to be an animal abuser, please stop. Because some us can't bear it to watch you hit and tortures those animals. They just want to live as much as we do. Please appreciate them just like the way you appreciate other human being. :(
The cost of reinforced concrete structure is affected by the cost of concrete, steel reinforcement, formwork and labour.
Discuss the statement.
(25 marks)
@______________@
Petang petang kena berfikir. Class sejam. Duration nak cari point 5 mins. Mcm mana nak cari point nak compensate soalan dgn marks mcm itu?? And each person have to give different point. 5 mins people. Apa point boleh cari. Nak elaboration lagi. Payah benar!!!
Today is a new day. I'm gonna start fresh. Gonna start from the very beginning. I am a quick healer. But not that quick. I have my own way of recuperating. Don't ask me how. Don't ask me why. Just let me be. Never question my judgments. Never judge my calls. Never ever say that I am gonna be okay. Only I can decide on that. It may take minutes, hours, days, months or maybe years. I will never know myself. Even so, I am definitely gonna be fine. Don't rush me. Don't push me. Don't drive me away for what I feel won't show on my face. I may seems a bit off. A bit away. That is just me giving myself time to heal. I hope you will stand by me no matter what.
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